Is not true? Most of us who stutter look back and analyze every word and sentence we say, every situation, every opinion, and every decision. Maybe not all of you, but I used to do it all the time until I got sick of this habit I had developed.
This interesting quote about happiness says it all: one of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. The author of this brilliant phrase is the American writer Rita Mae Brown. I love it. It makes me feel free. Don’t think all the time about the past, what could have been…
Of course my life is not a mess and to be honest looking back I wouldn’t change a thing. But as a now mostly fluent person with a stutter, I still can’t stop looking back and analyzing the steps I had made. Sometimes I think that I would not be in this situation if I had done that differently. I wish to lose my memory from time to time. Imagine forgetting your past and looking only forward.
But losing memory is not the solution. I have had speech problems for about 18 years and managed to become what society considers a normal person. My life has been one big struggle and I already forget the empty days I spent at home behind the closed curtain, praying to speak fluently. My life was only about one thing and I didn’t learn to look to the future and hope to be happy, part of this world, married, with lots of friends around. I was always looking back trying to think what I should have done.
But now it is different. I overcame my stuttering by taking small conscious or unconscious steps every day. My speech is not fluent, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. What bothers me is that I am not ready to accept my past yet, I tend to forget to only look towards my future and forget that everything will be just bright. It’s not about being 100%, because everyone has their own problems.
It’s all about getting it! That I deserve everything I long for and it only depends on me if I will get it. I’m doing the best I can and I love my life. But there are times when I want to forget the past just so I can focus more on the future. You are with me?