Going through marital discord can be a very emotional and difficult process, especially when you realize that you don’t really want to get a divorce but rather save your marriage. The good news is that if you both agree to patch things up, saving your marriage won’t be that hard. In fact, if you’re wondering how to stop a divorce, there are some simple steps to save your marriage that both of you can apply during this process.

Step 1 – Take the time to talk it out

It’s easy for the busyness of life to get in the way of relationships, but that doesn’t mean your marriage can’t survive. There really is no way to avoid dealing with the problems that come our way. All marriages have to deal with children, in-laws, job loss, money problems, etc. The key is to work together to overcome these challenges. The first step is to arrange a time when both of you can be free from the kids and any other distractions so that you can both focus 100% on your relationship. If that means getting a babysitter or asking a family member to watch the kids, then go for it. Arrange to go out somewhere relaxed rather than discuss issues at home, as you’re less likely to let resentments escalate into an argument if you’re out in public. Try to organize a series of these meetings more frequently so that you both have quality time alone.

Step 2 – Make a list

It is important that both of you express the good qualities that you appreciate in each other. Make a list of what you enjoy about your marriage and the qualities you like about each other. On the same list, include things you would like to do with your spouse that you may not have done in a long time. This could include taking a long walk on the beach, going to the movies, or revisiting the place where you met—whatever helps bring back the magic of when you first dated. It’s important to get away from the hassles of your daily life so you both can focus on enjoying a fun time and rediscovering the spark that brought you both together. The third category on your list should also include problem areas you’d like to discuss with each other and some potential solutions. Take some time to really think about specific solutions to problems, and be open to your spouse’s ideas.

Step 3 – Keep Communication Pleasant

Remember to have nice and respectful conversations, even if you disagree with something your spouse says. While it’s easy to get defensive, you need to remember that the goal of this exercise is to bring you back together and bring satisfaction back to your marriage. If you think this will be difficult, think again. How many times have you been in a situation where someone like your boss, teacher or someone in authority told you something you didn’t like and yet you listened and didn’t argue? The point is that you have the ability to listen without talking back, so try not to take your spouse for granted and allow them to be open about their feelings.

It’s easy to get defensive about something your spouse put on their list—the goal is not to get angry, but rather to listen to both the good and the bad with an open mind. Try not to get excited or angry, and most importantly, do not go to bed with an unresolved conflict, this will only cause more resentment. You will get much further by agreeing with your spouse than by arguing the point. By showing love and appreciation for each other and encouraging open communication, you will find that your relationship will grow stronger.