Why is it so difficult for us to leave a relationship when we know deep down that it is not working and we have had enough arguments, long periods of cold silence, being deceived and lied to, when all we have to do is walk? Outside the door?

“What’s stopping me? What am I afraid of leaving? Why can’t I walk out that damn door? Our minds repeat too often.

The idea of ​​leaving …

Contemplating the departure soon will cause our fears and insecurities to flood our minds like a tsunami, creating so many doubts that we get stuck and scared of what to do. It is in these moments that we are reminded of our fears, especially those of which we are not even aware that they keep us in a state of stress and anxiety.

Too many “ what ifs ” appear, making it even more difficult to take action.

Uncomfortable feelings catch us on guard, filling our bodies with more doubts because of the discomfort they inflict.

We harbor a multitude of fears, known and unknown, that have been passed down the family line, stamped indelibly in our DNA, or quickly attached since our childhood. These can make our doubts grow to the size of an impassable wall.

I must not bother anyone

The fear of rejection haunted me throughout my adolescence and led me to enter into a relationship that I knew was not the right one. Especially when I heard my soul scream “don’t do it” when they put the ring on my 3rd finger.

But I dismissed the warning. The whole family sitting there and my father, having spent good money renting an old Rolls Royce to take me to church. I will never forget that moment.

That was another ugly faith that he shouldn’t bother anyone. Did you hear that before?

Get lost in the chaos.

During the four years of my first marriage I had been immersed in the constant emotional turmoil of continual ups and downs and not knowing what was going to happen next.

Chunks of me had splintered and I felt very fragmented, having lost sight of myself. I had become emotionally dependent on this man due to my deep fear of rejection.

Of course I could live without it! He had lived without me; He had disappeared into chaos, but here he was still breathing. He knew he was buried there somewhere.

My beliefs had kept me tied in a very unhappy situation until I realized that only I could make me happy and that I could change the outcome and decide my future.

This single thought changed my life and enough to get carried away by my mixed and dysfunctional internal disorder that made me believe in so much crap that it was hurting my chances of true happiness.

A lady named Sue …

Sue came to me for desperate help in leaving her marriage which had become a loveless relationship, and what she felt was a controlling relationship, in which she had become fearful of her husband’s behaviors.

She did not feel physically threatened, but she knew that she had always ‘done what she was told’, finding it difficult to speak due to the anger that always followed when she tried to express her thoughts.

Later Sue became submissive to her husband’s demanding manners, feeling invisible and that it didn’t count.

As a child, Sue had gotten used to being told that it would be difficult for someone to love her and think she was lucky if a man asked her to marry him. She was never praised for her skills or performance in school sports. It was always, “You could have done better”, leaving Sue doubting her own abilities and her worth as she grew up.

He could see that his mother was resentful of his father, who never openly praised his wife or showed love in that soft and tender way that makes you feel really appreciated, loved and special. As for his father, he was the one who told everyone what to do and you did it, or else.

Sue grew up with a very low sense of self-worth, believing her mother was right. Believing that she didn’t deserve love. Believing she was unlovable.

Feeling guilty about leaving …

Her mother’s word echoed in her mind over and over to the point where Sue felt guilty even thinking about leaving. The feelings of guilt simply led her into another cycle of doubts with more fears surfacing. Her biggest fear was ending up alone and that no one would love her. She felt stagnant, she was afraid to stay, and she was afraid to leave.

But by identifying and healing the root cause of their relationship problems, Sue was able to heal the unresolved wounds and realize that she deserved more in her own relationships than she had experienced as a child and in her marriage.

She was able to leave and start a new life, confident in making the right decisions in any future relationship where she would be treated as an equal, loved by herself, and where her children would be loved as well.

Breaking and transforming false toxic beliefs That shape how we feel and think consciously or unconsciously about who we are, is paramount to forming a loving relationship with ourselves.

Loving and accepting who we are allows us to experience deeply loving relationships with our loved ones.

Love based on authenticity and unconditional love.

We hope this blog has helped you better understand how our fears and beliefs can block our path to real happiness, accepting less than we deserve and denying the relationships and life we ​​want.

If you’d like to discuss your experience to see if we are suitable to work together on this, please feel free to contact me. Or you can schedule time to talk to me.