Sometimes wives don’t know why their husband cheated on them while they were still married to them. They are convinced that if she was not happy and wanted to be with someone else, they would have given her a divorce. That way, he wouldn’t have needed to lie and be so deceitful. Of course, this thinking assumes that the husband really wanted a divorce. Not all men who cheat have any intention of ending their marriage. Actually, many don’t. This is what many wives (myself included) have a hard time understanding what they are up against.

Someone might say, “Now that I caught my husband cheating on me, I’ve been snooping around a bit. This woman reached out to my husband two years ago. I have an email between them where my husband admits he’s ‘flattered’.” ‘by’ her offer of him’, but he insists that as long as he is married he cannot have another relationship. Basically, he wished the other woman well and told her it might be different if he wasn’t married, but he insisted that he was married. I suppose in theory this should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. Because two years later, she somehow wore him down. The thing is though, she didn’t let me. She did not end her marriage, which is what she insisted would have to happen. In fact, honestly, I don’t see a huge difference in our marriage of two years. ago and now We were happy then and I thought we were happy now. We still had good regular sex. He was still being sweet and considerate of me. But I found a receipt from the hotel and then an email from her saying that she had fantasized about being with him for years and now it had finally come true. According to my husband, she only happened once and it just started. She swears to me that she was not going to leave me, that she continued to love me. and that she simply made a mistake after having too much to drink. I do not think so. She’s been spending more and more time in her office lately, so I think she’s probably been pacing it and trying to get her nerve together. In fact, I think she probably made the decision for it to happen (or suspected it might happen) long before it actually happened. I don’t think it was just something impulsive and one off that would never happen again. So I wonder why my husband didn’t show the integrity that I know he has from her and then he told me that he wanted to divorce her before he started a relationship with her. Why do not you let me? Of course, he is now begging me not to leave him. But it’s kind of falling on deaf ears. I would certainly prefer not to lose my marriage, but I feel the same way my husband claimed to feel: that if you’re married, that’s it. You have no other relationships. If you want to have one, then you end the marriage and then you have the relationship. My husband says that he does not want a relationship with this woman. He just wants a relationship with me. It just doesn’t make sense.”

I totally understand your confusion. Her husband’s behavior does not match his words and her character. Unfortunately, I know firsthand that men who are otherwise good and upstanding human beings can make colossal mistakes like this. In fact, the mistake is so catastrophic that we simply can’t fathom how he would risk the very marriage he says he wants. I can’t pretend to understand the thought process of a cheating man. I am a wife who dealt with this. But I can share what I hear from men in this type of situation.

Some of them will tell you with what sounds like complete sincerity that they love their wife and are desperate to save their marriage. They will end the relationship immediately and never speak to the other woman again. Instead, they will spend their time pursuing the wife they betrayed. Or they’ll get divorced (because the wife insists on it), but have a good time regretting her mistake. I truly believe there ARE some men who cheat who still love their wife and never intended to end their marriage. Are they trying to have their cake and eat it too? Yes. Does this excuse you? No. But they fully believe that they love her wives and usually beg her not to leave.

I know it doesn’t make sense. And only your husband can tell you what he has changed in two years (although he himself may not fully understand). He can claim that nothing has changed when it comes to his feelings for you. Men will often tell you that they cheated at a time in their life where they were wrong in some way. This could have to do with their jobs. Or with their elderly parents. Or with your health. Or with what you perceive as your fading appearance or vitality. But many will absolutely insist that he had nothing to do with his wife.

That’s not to say that some cheating men don’t lie to the wives who caught them. This must also be considered. Your husband’s behaviors in the future will tell you a lot about his intentions. However, I would suggest that some men are telling the truth when they say they never planned on leaving you OR marriage. This might not be enough and no one could blame you for that. But many men have affairs or one-night stands and still believe that they love their wife and are committed to her marriage. I know this is a huge and unfair contradiction. But men can often separate infidelity and their marriage in ways some women never could (including me).