The best stepparents will leave the most memories in a child’s life. It’s up to the parents and their new spouse to make sure they create the most memorable memories together.

Open lines of communication should be established from the beginning. Here are some tips on how to make sure your new spouse is the best stepdad ever.

• Talk to your new spouse and children about your expectations. How would you like to be treated by the other person?
• Make it clear from the start that there should be no disrespect from either of you.
• Decide how you will handle bad behaviors. Whether you, as a parent, must step in and punish the child or whether the stepparent will take over. Make sure you are comfortable with them punishing your children.
• Do they know what they want to get out of the relationship with their children? Explain this to your children so they know what they will gain from the new marriage.
• Tell your spouse what your parenting style is. Do you agree with the same parenting style? You can’t be a relaxed parent and your spouse is more strict. Find the balance so that your children feel balanced with the new addition to your family.
• Talk to your children about the new spouse and what they think your expectations are for the new person. Should it be more of a friendship role? Or would you agree to a more paternal approach from your spouse?
• Set limits and levels of respect. The child cannot speak to the spouse in a disrespectful manner, and your new spouse should be aware that the children are a part of you and deserve respect as well.
• Tell the children that the new spouse loves them. Remind your spouse to show you that he loves you. Let them be friends first and foremost, especially if your children are teenagers.
• When children are teenagers or older, it becomes more difficult for them to accept another parental role in their lives, so the role of the stepparent should be more of a friend or confidante.
• Your son will be upset about his birth parents breaking up, but talk to them so they understand that their previous marriage didn’t work out because mom and dad couldn’t work things out. Show them that you love your new spouse now and that they make you happy. Make your children feel your happiness by making them part of it. They should not be made to feel like strangers to their perfect new marriage.

If an argument arises, don’t choose sides. Your son and his new stepfather must learn to fix it themselves with respect.

Whatever you do, don’t compromise on respect, then you will see what a blessing a stepfather can be.