There are many factors that make up a person’s character, from genetics, upbringing, allergies, as some report having adverse personality changes from eating or drinking some substances, prescription and non-prescription drugs, hormones, and even beliefs.
In Judaism the sages teach the wisdom of the true character of a person called The Personality of Blessings; the phrase Be’Kiso, Be’Koso and u’ve’Kaso, that is, for what is in a person’s pocket (what he spends money on), for his drink (how he responds to the temptation of alcoholic excesses) and by their temper (can they control themselves when provoked?). There is another level of character: “af be’shako”, because of his game or how does this person use his free time? These are good things to find out about a potential partner while dating. The character is also deeply psychological.
For those who tend to mistrust or fear what they want most, any long-term intimate relationship is not possible. This paradox creates a feeling of vulnerability and threat. The self-induced anger/fear defense mechanisms that are part of arousal attraction are the bane of the relationship, as there will be ever-present attempts to dominate and control the other to ensure dominance and safety. There is also a biological chemical evolutionary component.
The more erotic stimuli aroused sexually, the more testosterone and androgen hormones produced by men are released, creating a highly emotional state in which the lines between anger, violence, or sex can become blurred. For some this creates an irresistible drug like high that is in fact addictive and is the root cause of sex addicts who crave the high and intimacy but then realize its venerability and must dominate or sabotage the relationship and move on quickly. to another.
For example, this is one of the reasons why a less evolved man cannot maintain a relationship with an intelligent, beautiful, powerful and sensual woman. The irony is that the most insecure and less evolved person will look for a weaker partner to reaffirm their need for superiority. The most insecure person will do everything in their power to disempower the other and when this fails, insecure people turn to the only weapons they have left which are emotional warfare or manipulation and passive aggression.
The 4 little ideas mentioned above (Be’Kiso, Be’Koso, u’ve’Kaso and af be’shako) may seem simple, but in the dating world they are essential. The story that follows is one of those examples submitted by a reader in which his boyfriend, who absolutely subscribed to the Be’Kiso, Be’Koso, u’ve’Kaso, af be’shako philosophy, and how he he chose to show the true character of him. It is also believed in these ideas that when a person’s anger rages, he also breaks ties with God and does not look the person directly in the eye. Let’s see if you can solve it, there might be a test at the end!
A recent reader wrote recounting her experience dealing with extreme denial of her boyfriend’s anger, which starts off simple enough but then cascades down all 4 aspects of character. She made no secret of the fact that she was the most exciting woman she had ever met. She had invested quite a bit of time, energy and even more creativity in creating a fun and sexy ensemble that ensured that a romantic evening of theirs would be especially romantic right down to the exact shoes she knew he found irresistible. At first she seemed very appreciative, but in one quick move she turned the tables for the worse.
She claims that she only weighs about 100 pounds and her boyfriend weighed almost twice as much. Obviously, without any consideration on her part, she hastily moved her to a concrete floor for a more romantic purpose. She writes: “Before a split second had passed, my back was crushed and cracked up to the ribs.” Luckily, she managed to escape quickly. However, she did get upset, especially since they had both dealt with exactly this issue before and it was especially painful for her and not something that could be done without severely injuring her.
None of this mattered and will not matter to a person who cannot accept that there is something good in every aspect of character, even anger. The boyfriend never bothered to ask why she was upset. In the boyfriend’s denial, he immediately rejected both her and her feelings. Shattering her own beliefs, she writes: “She stood with her third cup of Scotch in hand, stared into my eyes and instantly renounced all feelings she ever claimed to have for me.” Despite his tears of confusion, pain, and being attacked, he did not relent, he writes, “nothing I said or did mattered. It was like he wasn’t even there. He had no reaction to me at all.” The true character of her revealed from her. Unable to face her own anger, he projected it onto her and rejected her, which to him was better than rejecting himself or admitting a mistake.
Contrary to the next morning’s agreement of mutual poor judgment, his brand of anger is passive-aggressive, which prompted him to cheat on her with an ex and replace the most exciting girlfriend he’s ever had with a new car instead. contribute to your community. they were the previous targets of hers.
Result: The former replacement left for the same reasons as four times before. However, he can still enjoy the payments on his new car that he will never complain about any of his shortcomings. As for the new car euphoria; any man who gets more highs from a car than a woman is with the wrong woman, she’s just not trying, she needs the little blue pill, or she’s gay.
Here is the proof:
Can you tell where and when how the anger might have been different?
What if he had asked what was wrong with him?
What if they had both decided to just laugh it off and move on?
What if when he was mad at her he expressed himself differently and not aggressively staring at her?
What if there was no alcohol involved or less? What if instead of a new car you invested in helping others or getting help or even healing yourself?
Character: It is our most important choice because it is who we are, what we do, and how we treat, love, or choose not to love others.