Are the same tastes and tastes really important in a marriage?
“We like the same things, it’s like we were made for each other.” announced a cheerful newlywed bride of twenty-five years. Her eyes went wide at the implicit divine intervention working overtime to find her “a match made in heaven.” Her husband looked visibly in love with his wife, wearing a perfectly coordinated mauve Chinese collar shirt to match his trophy wife’s skirt. Who picked up the shirt was easy to guess. I smiled benignly, though completely confused as to how long the equality and apparent agreement phase would last. And how would they face reality once it comes out? (once the mating rituals have been completed) that they are two perfectly functional individuals with tastes that may not be so “equal”. after all and that it was perfectly “okay” to be different.
Even Siamese twins, since they are made up of literally the same cells and have the same environment at home, have a distinctive individual personality. So why when the question of choosing a life partner arises, we become obsessed with finding one who has exactly the same tastes and hobbies? I understand that there has to be something in common for two people to like each other and, consequently, to fall in love. But if we marry mirror images of ourselves, doesn’t that make us narcissistic and perennially obsessed with ourselves?
The famous Ying-Yang to Ardhnarishwar (the composite androgynous form of the Hindu god Shiva and his consort Parvati) celebrates perfection in differences. They try to show us that true integrity can be rewarding and should be celebrated by accepting those differences. So why is it that in real life, the moment one spouse (either partner) seeks their own individuality by showing their disdain for the other’s choice, the person is called insensitive and a more common dialogue rules? most of the marriage? ?? Tum badal gaye ho ?? (you’ve changed). To which I feel what would be a correct answer: honey, he / she was always like this, but you saw what you wanted to see (a Robert Pattinson with teasing biceps or a Jennifer Lawrence in a bikini).
So take your life partner’s choice difference in your stride instead of fighting and crying for them. Celebrate them. Stand up as an individual rather than as a shadow or the controller. That’s funny. It is not like this? I want to share what Khali Gibran said about marriage and the subtle beauty of individual growth that fuels it.
Love each other, but do not make a bond of love:
Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of their souls.
Fill the cup of others, but do not drink from a single cup.
Give one another of your bread, but do not eat the same bread.
Sing and dance together and be joyful, but may each of you be alone,
Even when the strings of a lute are alone, although they tremble with the same music.